It is generally recognized that the Thai media upholds the strictest standards of responsible journalism and this has been well attested in the coverage of the red shirt rally that continues today.

To demonstrate the reasoned and careful judgement that governs all editorial decisions, Prachatai wishes to share an edited transcript of what might have been a recent conference of reporters at one of the nation’s leading English-language newspapers. Although Prachatai has not been able to verify this transcript (following the time-honoured Thai journalistic practice of ‘couldn’t be bothered’), we present it here in the same way that the Thai media normally presents wishful thinking, unsubstantiated rumours, pure speculation and unreasoning prejudice – as if it were the gospel truth.

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Senior Editor: So how did ‘hordes’ get past us? And on the front page as well? I thought we’d agreed that we’d keep our editorial bias subtle. Not like those loudmouths at That Other Newspaper. This is the kind of language I would expect them to use.

Another Editor: That was my fault I’m afraid. When the subbie called me to check if it was OK, I misheard him. I thought he said ‘red whores’ and, you know, it sounded like a good sex angle.

Senior Editor: OK, let’s get this straight. The main thrust of our reporting is fear-mongering. If the red shirts persist with not using violence, denying us a proper story, then we keep speculating about when and how it could get violent. We did well with the blood thing, stressing the dangers of infection. But we must keep it up. Put this ‘Red Rage’ banner on every page.

Another Editor: But it’s all very good-humoured. Even the bystanders are cheering and clapping. Where’s the rage?

Senior Editor: That’s beside the point. Our readers must be made afraid of the reds, especially if they’ve done nothing frightening.

Impressionable Young Reporter: But they are frightening. I only went to interview them once and it was horrible. Some of them had dark glasses and moustaches and they were so dark-skinned. I’m sure they weren’t really Thai.

Another Editor: It would be a great story if they weren’t. We’ve repeated Thep Thaug’s warnings about foreigners 2 or 3 times but nobody’s ever reported finding one.

Impressionable Young Reporter: Well when they talked me, they sounded Thai but when they talked to each other, I couldn’t understand a word.

Another Editor: You were probably talking to a contingent from the northeast and they were speaking Issan among themselves.

Impressionable Young Reporter: Issan? Is that legal?

Another Editor: Well, it’s like Lao.

Young Female Reporter: So they were foreigners! And I actually spoke to them! How disgusting!

Senior Editor: Can we keep pushing traffic problems? Nothing irritates our readers more than unexpectedly bad traffic.

Another Editor: Except they manage the traffic very well and it has in fact been lighter than normal.

Senior Editor: That’s no problem. Just place a picture of one of their convoys next to an article about the need to build new expressways. We must have one on file, but if not, just make it up. When readers see the two things together, they’ll get the message.

Another Editor: Are you sure that will work?

Senior Editor: Sure. Look what happened with the story about the M79 parts. We put it on the same page as all the red stories, right in the middle. We didn’t even draw any lines to separate it from the other stories. And next day, we had that piece about the police denying a link with the reds.

Another Editor: But doesn’t this mean we were the ones suggesting the link?

Senior Editor: And we reported the denial next day. That’s proper balanced reporting.

Another Editor: But then there was this story that some parts had been ordered by the army anyway. Maybe we should have checked the facts first.

Senior Editor: How? That would have meant sending someone all the way to Ayutthaya or wherever. Waste of time and money.

Another Editor: So we just get the crime beat reporter to copy down what the police tells us.

Senior Editor: Exactly, like we normally do. OK, so are we all set? Now who’s writing the letters to the editor for tomorrow?

About author: Bangkokians with long memories may remember his irreverent column in The Nation in the 1980's. During his period of enforced silence since then, he was variously reported as participating in a 999-day meditation retreat in a hill-top monastery in Mae Hong Son (he gave up after 998 days), as the Special Rapporteur for Satire of the UN High Commission for Human Rights, and as understudy for the male lead in the long-running ‘Pussies -not the Musical' at the Neasden International Palladium (formerly Park Lane Empire).